so last i wrote i was going skiing on new year's day. long story short - had a great time, but had two falls. the first one was minor. every time i came down the hill and circled around to the chairlift i ended up saying "wheeeeeee!" on the way down. it was inadvertent, but at the end of one run i was standing there laughing at myself and i literally fell over to one side. the guy friend i was with thought that was pretty pathetic.
the second time i fell, due to some asshat snowboarders who decided to just take a rest in the middle of a mogul-ridden hill, my right pole was wrapped around my wrist and it dragged my arm behind me as i slid head-first, on my back, down the hill. i had a smile on my face which i thought was pretty impressive. i got back up and did a couple more runs before we left. my shoulder hurt, but i assumed it was just a strain. well four days later after getting harassed my friends and family I went to the chiro and it turns out i sprained at least three different muscles AND i get to go to the orthopedist for a consult to see if i tore anything. very impressive, i know.
now before i go into my next tale, i want to warn you that there is some disturbing imagery, and you should not read this during lunch. ...
tomorrow i have to start prepping for my colonoscopy on wednesday. my body must really be G-d's joke considering it will be my fourth one in three years, and if that weren't enough, see above.
the actual procedure isn't bad, you're not even awake for it, and you're super high from the drugs after. what sucks is the prep you have to do for it. first you have to fast on clear liquids the day before which makes me really cranky. then you have to ingest some sort of concoction in order to "clear" everything out...please don't make me explain any more.
for my previous 3 tests, i got to just take some pills which eventually make you nauseated but aren't that bad. well turns out the pills can actually cause false positives for crohn's disease. nice, huh? since my symptoms aren't at all crohn's like, i'm having my latest test to see if i really have it. yep, three years and a zillion drugs later, they're going to figure out if i'm actually diseased or not. the kicker is that this time i have to drink, no lie, a half gallon of liquid!! there's nothing i hate more than drinking stuff, unless it's alcoholic. it literally brings out my inner child and i'm helpless from whining about it. it's literally uncontrollable. half the reason i'm writing this post is to somehow cathartically vent and save my mom from listening to me whine tomorrow. (yep, staying at their house so my responsible adult can drive me to and from the test).
now here's the best part...the drink is called...wait for it.....
GoLightly.
let me be quite clear, there is no 'going lightly' when you have the prep for this procedure. the term "blow it out your ass" comes to mind as a better description. besides the so unpleasant feelings involved in this, it also sounds unpleasant. so before i start taking the prep i always make sure that i have a book and earmuffs on hand. oh yeah, i said earmuffs. trust me, it's the way to go.
:>
2 comments:
GoLightly, who thinks up these things? It's almost like I'm helping them name them ;)
I love the vision of you falling and laughing, plus the backward slide on your back
I too have had to imbibe the gallon of (at least in my case) disturbingly fake tasting stuff. And then the real fun begins, never thought of earmuffs but they definitely make sense...
From Kate, who would have been your minion in Cincy :)
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