Two Loving Rats Need Rehoming

I just saw this post on Craig's List, and had to share it:

NOT FOR FOOD!! PETS ONLY Two Female rats one Black and white the other is Grey colored Both very friendly will ride on sholder Both good about not going to the bathroom when out Both do not bite Comes with tall cage with two climbing levels.(orig. 80.00) Rats must stay together Asking $50.00 Cash email with questions

WTF? Someone wants $50 for a pair of rats?? You want to rehome rats? Take them outside; drop them in the sewer; the end.

I'm all for animal welfare, and while I have mixed feelings about testing on them, they aren't pets either. Next thing you know Paris Hilton will have a rat - and no, real one, not Tinkerbell - and she'll be dressing it out in outfits.

Sheesh.

The dating game

So as I partake in one of my favorite pastimes - eating bad food while watching The Biggest Loser - I've found myself reviewing the past few weeks of dating life.

First, I want to know if there's any truth at all to the saying "guys like it when a girl asks them out." i know it's not an actual 'saying', just like most of the phrases on Wheel of Fortune aren't actually phrases, but I want to know the truth. The other day I told a guy friend that I had emailed a new guy online first - as in I didn't wait for him to maybe think about emailing me first - and my friend looked at me like I was crazy. I don't know if he was just shocked that i had the cajones to do it or if it's just so not true and I've become crazy dating girl...as opposed to crazy dog girl.

[sidenote: I've decided I can no longer be considered crazy dog girl just b/c I let the pup sleep on the couch because I've heard of at least two guys who let their dogs also sleep on the bed. woohoo! I also have to gve a shout-out to Gracie Lou for running, literally, downstairs and making it outside before getting sick tonight. That's my girl!]

So anyway, I'd be interested to hear thoughts on girls asking guys out/emailing a guy first.

Next, I haven't heard from the trapeze artist which is a good thing. I don't mean that in a mean way, I just didn't know how to do the transition to friends without waiting for him to try asking me out again. Last week we were emailing, and I was actually busy and couldn't email, so I wasn't writing novels, and apparently that was enough to not hear back from him.

Moving on, I had a coffee date on Saturday with a new guy. And no, I don't know why I'm turning into a dating machine. It was actually a "date" as opposed to a "meet and greet" which is what I usually call a first meeting. However, in this case we had an actual meal hence it's been decided that makes it a 'date.' Anyway, the guy was very nice. He's a professor/scientist guy, very laid back but holy hell the guy moves slow as molasses - he takes a while to return emails, which would be okay if he were super busy but I don't get the sense that his schedule is all that packed, um especially when he tells me he watched the inaguration all day long. It also took him a while to ask me out again when I'd already told him I'd do something, and the guy is all about booking way out. I guess maybe he doesn't do things on weeknights, but I'm not looking to join another "out till dawn" group.

My next rant is about the movie coming out, He's just not that in to you. While I have read excerpts from the book, and some offer good advice, what about all the dumbass guys who are just as crazy obsessive about girls? I know there's another book that's supposed to offer the other side, but really, it should be called He/She's just not that in to you. I find it ridiculously offensive and annoying, and I'm not talking annoying like the blaspheme that is the Shopoholic movie - hello? She's British, people. How the hell are they going to make a sequel - Shopoholic takes Manhattan - if she's already there? I digress. I suppose the answer to He's just not that in to you is that us womenfolk are secure enough to try and fix ourselves, thus the self-help book is targeted to us. Too bad the people buying it aren't secure enough to stop calling the loser they went out with who clearly doesn't want to go out with them again. Needless to say I won't be seeing this movie...unless someone tells me that there's also a guy in the movie who's a clueless loser like they depict the women to be. Hmm, anger anyone?


okay gracie just got sick again so I'm going to have table this post for later...

Jenny and the Car of the Future

greetings readers, i have many stories to share with you today! good thing all is quiet here in plano, land of the nasty water that you'd think i'd get used to...i haven't.

so last night's car rental experience was a new one for me because i couldn't turn the car on. the lady at hertz asked what i wanted, and i said something small. she offered me a corvette. um, not sure the boss would've enjoyed that expense, so then she offered a toyota prius. i've been wanting to drive one, so i said "heck yeah."

for those of you who haven't driven a hybrid, i swear it was something out of disney's tomorrowland. there's a power button, the key doesn't turn, and the engine doens't turn over. hell, the engine makes no noise at all. and you can't turn the thing on unless you're pressing down on the brake. after sitting in the car for almost ten minutes, and reading the instruction manual, i had to get out and go ask someone how to turn the car on. they showed me how, and i literally spent the first few minutes driving it wondering whether it was actually running or if i was in neutral and it was just rolling.

then as i'm trying to navigate the disaster they call DFW, i realize that the speed-o-meter is set to kilometers! not sure when i moved to europe.... i literally had to pull over on the side of the road until i could find the button to change it. oh, and this is the first toyota i've ever driven that doesn't have lights that turn on automatically so i keep driving without my lights on. it's been fun.

next update...yesterday my cousin mark, who works for the airport, took me for a fun ride on the runway. he told me he was going to open a runway and i could come along. i though thtat meant we were going to ride a cart around the airport. oh no, it meant we literally went out onto the live runway in the saab friction tester...heehee, i like that name - friction tester. and yes, i'm 5. on our way back in, we were right in front of a united plane sitting at the gate. i waved to the pilot, and he waved back probably thinking 'who the hell is that girl?'. thanks, cousin mark, it was way fun!

saturday night i took the latest victim in my dating life to meet up with leah and hoodie and friends in northeast. from the start i wasn't sure if i actually was attracted to this guy, and hopefully he never finds my blog b/c i'm pretty sure he won't like this entry. anyhoo, so i have a lot of fun hanging out with him, but htat's it. anyhoo, we go to psycho suzi's, dive bar extraordinaire. there are 7 of us and it's super crowded and at one point he asks me how long we wait until we slip the hostess some money. i'm not sure which was so annoying, that he couldn't wait or that he thought slipping some money was going to make any difference when there were NO open tables.

then he proceeded to share with leah and co his past life working as a trapeze artist - no lie - and his hobby as a glass blower (which incidentally i thought was a joke). leelee and i told him his new nickname was cirque d' soleil. i'm all for fun experiences and stories, but it's kind of hard to think of someone as a dating candidate when you keep picturing them in purple tights. the funniest comment of the night was after he left, earlier than the rest of us, and hoodie made the comment that next time i should date an actual "dude."

can't say i disagree...

I've had better...

that is my response to the question - how was your colonoscopy?

i'm not sure what's more sad; that i've had enough scoping to equate "many" or that yesterday's was so ridiculously awful. hmm, where to start?

1. the "golytely" prep should be renamed "go never." stuff made me gag and didn't kick in till after 1 in the morning. not quite the 7pm the nurse told me. although in an entertaining note, i channeled my inner gracie lou and spent about 7 hours curled into a tight little ball.

2. the chicago docs may have misdiagnosed me (we still don't have the results but it's looking that way..) but at least they were all about the drugs. here's the thing, the actual procedue isn't bad AS LONG AS YOU'RE PROPERLY DRUGGED. the nurse kept asking me if i was "medicated' the last times i had one, and i kept saying, yep they drugged me up. heck, as they were starting and she said "okay here's the first medicine" i lifted up my arm and said "dope me up!"

um, it didn't work. apparently the normal amount of drugs just didn't do it for me. neither did the second round they gave me. of course they can only administer it so fast, and it's only a 20 minute procedue. as the doc said after, next time we'll start at a higher dosage. don't worry, mom made sure to ask if there woudl be a next time any time soon - i think she was concerned that eventhough i was curled in a ball on the hospital bed, i was shooting some major evil looks.

i'm finally recovered today, but i'm really not looking forward to doing this again any time soon.

hmm, what else...after spending three days at my parents i'm def ready to go home. although mom has offered to make me dinner, so i'll be here for at least a few more hours :)

the shoulder is doing better and i canceled my appt with the orthopedist. i don't need to waste $20 on a co-pay or having a claustrophobic nightmare in an MRI machine if it's not necessary.

next week i'm back to Plano, and the icky water. if i remember, i'm going to bring this water filter thing i got a long time ago and see if it works.

this weekend there's potential meat raffling and/or a volunteer thing for pups. and that's about it!

Sprained Shoulders and other mishaps of 2009

so last i wrote i was going skiing on new year's day. long story short - had a great time, but had two falls. the first one was minor. every time i came down the hill and circled around to the chairlift i ended up saying "wheeeeeee!" on the way down. it was inadvertent, but at the end of one run i was standing there laughing at myself and i literally fell over to one side. the guy friend i was with thought that was pretty pathetic.

the second time i fell, due to some asshat snowboarders who decided to just take a rest in the middle of a mogul-ridden hill, my right pole was wrapped around my wrist and it dragged my arm behind me as i slid head-first, on my back, down the hill. i had a smile on my face which i thought was pretty impressive. i got back up and did a couple more runs before we left. my shoulder hurt, but i assumed it was just a strain. well four days later after getting harassed my friends and family I went to the chiro and it turns out i sprained at least three different muscles AND i get to go to the orthopedist for a consult to see if i tore anything. very impressive, i know.

now before i go into my next tale, i want to warn you that there is some disturbing imagery, and you should not read this during lunch. ...

tomorrow i have to start prepping for my colonoscopy on wednesday. my body must really be G-d's joke considering it will be my fourth one in three years, and if that weren't enough, see above.

the actual procedure isn't bad, you're not even awake for it, and you're super high from the drugs after. what sucks is the prep you have to do for it. first you have to fast on clear liquids the day before which makes me really cranky. then you have to ingest some sort of concoction in order to "clear" everything out...please don't make me explain any more.

for my previous 3 tests, i got to just take some pills which eventually make you nauseated but aren't that bad. well turns out the pills can actually cause false positives for crohn's disease. nice, huh? since my symptoms aren't at all crohn's like, i'm having my latest test to see if i really have it. yep, three years and a zillion drugs later, they're going to figure out if i'm actually diseased or not. the kicker is that this time i have to drink, no lie, a half gallon of liquid!! there's nothing i hate more than drinking stuff, unless it's alcoholic. it literally brings out my inner child and i'm helpless from whining about it. it's literally uncontrollable. half the reason i'm writing this post is to somehow cathartically vent and save my mom from listening to me whine tomorrow. (yep, staying at their house so my responsible adult can drive me to and from the test).

now here's the best part...the drink is called...wait for it.....
GoLightly.

let me be quite clear, there is no 'going lightly' when you have the prep for this procedure. the term "blow it out your ass" comes to mind as a better description. besides the so unpleasant feelings involved in this, it also sounds unpleasant. so before i start taking the prep i always make sure that i have a book and earmuffs on hand. oh yeah, i said earmuffs. trust me, it's the way to go.

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