Um, is this thing on?

okay, let's face it, the real question is - where the heck have i been for two weeks??

first off, i was traumatized after the response i got from my last entry. apparently i sounded too bitter. hello? sometimes snarkiness is mistaken for bitterness.

i've also been busy on the weekends w/ the new boy. oh yeah, he's still in the picture, who knew? he's now met the family and the bro and sis-in law who asked if i was bringing him to passover dinner tonight. there will be 30+ people there, including the well-meaning relatives who recommend dating sites for people w/ IBS to me - i think we'll skip the all family introduction. if he's still here in the fall - then i'll torture him w/ a holiday dinner...sucker.

last weekend i treated him to a full day in the life of red. early in the a.m. he came over and we started 'pet day' poor, poor kid. we drove to a day care facility, picked up Savannah who had an upset tummy - oh wait, first we went to starbucks and dropped Gracie off at day care for fun - then we hauled out to f-ing bloomington to the best vet clinic, bloomington vet hospital where we dropped off Savannah (pictured) and picked up Chili Pepper. Chili didn't actually like the car so much and someone from bvh had to come out and lift him in the car. car - the boy - then rode in the back seat making sure Chili didn't have an anxiety attack. he didn't, neither did carl, but he did drool all over the seats. chili, not carl.

we finally made it to the adoption event in eden prairie. won't go into the canine chaos details but at one point someone told me my eye looked bloodshot. went to the bathroom and the tear duct was all swollen and red and yellow and disgusting. so carl got the true red experience b/c then we headed to urgent care where i had a jackass doctor who was ridiculously unhelpful. it was fun! then carl took me to lunch before splitting up for a few hours so he could study for finals and i could nap.

next on the update is my latest endeavor. you're now reading a blog written by the newest pet rescue examiner! http://www.examiner.com/x-7432-Minneapolis-Pet-Rescue-Examiner. the more you read, the more chance i have to make a dollar -= literally, a dollar as it takes 100 views to make a dollar.

so far my page is doing well. i sent an email to some of the rescues in the area to let them know what i was doing and tell them that if they had thigns to share they should send them my way. i've had a really positive response - which is great! it's also exhausting as now my email account is full to bursting w/ news and stuff. most of it i can't actually use though b/c it's either super biased (lots of crazies in the animal welfare world) or it's about animal rights and there's a sep examiner for that.

and that friends is what's been going on here. work is still blech and no one really talks to me, but i just harass my peeps on IM or call and bug linda non-stop. oh, have also started tweeting, but so far either don't get it or am just not a fan.

and that'sssss all folks!

Things I've learned in 2008 and 2009

warning: serious snarkiness to follow

1. never work onsite at a client
you'd think it wouldn't be that bad, that'd you just have to be on your best behavior. nope, the worst part is that you have no "work posse." no friends to talk to, no one to go to lunch with - and pretty much constantly feeling like the outsider. in retrospect, probably not the best position for someone who's achille's hell (i mean, heel) is feeling like they don't belong.

while people at least smile in the halls here,i can't tell you the number of meetings i've sat in where someone will say "oh, we've got new people!" they then have the new people (me) intro themselves but neglect to introduce the rest of the people in the room.

another fun part of this is when i intro myself to someone they say "oh, i'm david so and so" but no explanation of what dept they work in. excuse me, david, i've never heard of you so while you think you're damn special, how 'bout you tell me what you actually do here.

2. a boss that's not around isn't always a good thing
my boss doesn't live here, and he works out of three different states.while i certainly sympathize, i also get no attention. if i knew how to do my job, that would be swell. alas, shock and awe, i dn't know what i'm doing so i spend a lot of time sitting in my cube, IMing w/ leah or gina, yapping to mom; while pondering how stupid i feel. fun times.

3. fostering a dog ain't easy
have tried it twice. have failed twice, and not in the joking "i failed b/c i adopted the dog" way. at least the last one is still alive, and my nickname is no longer "doggie hospice."

4. 32 feels old
i'm talking eggs drying out in the ovaries old. dating someone 28 doesn't exactly help, although it's not a big contributing factor. more annoying and detrimental are the incessant marriage and kid updates from people on facebook. i understand it's prob b/c they have nothing else to talk about, but really - find a new topic!

5. much like buying a new car, never go work for a company that hasn't fully developed the new technology they say they have
think this one is pretty self-explanatory

hmm think that's all for now. if i write any more i might be too beat down to function.

Minnesotans are Idiots!

Today's rant was spurred by the sheer stupidity bad weather brings to this state. and while bad weather makes people in every state act like idiots, WE should be accustomed to the pitfalls. Case in point, the following examples:

1. It's cold, wear a hat
today as i was walking into work i saw a bunch of guys without hats, mittens, and some didn't even have their coats zipped. asshats, it's -2 outside with a windchill of -20 PUT ON A DAMN HAT. and i realize that the male gender doesn't always have the common sense G-d gave an ant, but come on! And they were all shivering and freezing. If you can't take the cold, get out of the tundra.

2. SUVs handle ice better than sedans
okay i don't know if this is statistically true or not, but if you have an suv - especially an american made one - you can drive faster than me in my japanese tiny car. last night driving home from my parents (what? they fed me dinner) i was behind a dummy in a gmc or something like that who didn't have his rear windshield scraped off and he was going 20 miles an hour. it wasn't actually awful at that point, so i'm not sure what his deal was - and yes, i'm just assuming it was a guy ;)

here's a thought. your car is covered with snow and or ice. maybe, just maybe, it would be a good idea to scrape it off before you start driving!!!

3. speaking of good ideas....
i just came up with this one. since i love watching gracie on the webcam when she's at daycare, i think i should set up a nanny cam at home, and aim it at her crate so i can see what she does all day! how great would that be? ...well assuming i can figure out a way for it to stream live video to me.

Meet Riley

I'm possibly at the risk of becoming way too involved with four-legged friends, not that that is going to stop me - but I thought I'd at least acknowledge it.

So this weekend's post-new boy family and friends meeting involves more fun PH work. Saturday is an adoption event at the Petco near Ridgedale and I'm officially transporting two dogs...Missy, a super adorable black lab, and Riley, a springer spaniel. I will also be "handling" Riley, so I've decided he shall be mine and Gracie's new buddy.

First of all, let's meet Riley!

Meet Riley, 45-pound, 2 year-old Springer/hound mix who really wants to fit in and spend his leisure time with you. Riley has some separation anxiety and would do best with a family with other dogs and someone that is home most of the time. A group home would be perfect for this fine boy.

Found wandering the city streets Riley was looking for some kind soul to help him out. Luckily, he was pulled off the streets and into the care of a Pet Haven volunteer. While we know next to nothing about his background, we do know Riley gets on very well with other dogs, kids and is eager to please. We think cats would probably be okay too, but we don't have any evidence to support that.

Riley is totally lovable and unbelievably calm while his people are around. He'll need a fenced yard to keep him safe. He'd probably like his own couch too, if you have one to spare. Riley is housetrained, gets along with everyone and would like a nice, long ride in the car whenever it's convenient.

Both Riley and Missy are currently being boarded due to a shortage of foster homes. I'm thinking that since Gracie and I really shouldn't be fostering at this point - hell, I can barely get her walked and get myself out the door in the mornings - that we would take some doggies that are being boarded and give them some time with us at our house on the weekends! This is also one idea I've come up with to try and curb my weekend spending - if I'm home with two dogs, I won't be able to go out. Anyhoo, so not sure if we'll start this weekend or not, b/c I don't know how I could take one dog back to boarding (Missy) and take one home with me..but we'll see how it goes ;)

Weekly Update - brought to you by Red

Flu bug

So after three days of severe pain last Fall as a result of getting a flu shot, I got a huge dose of the Flu last week.

It started on Saturday night when I had to bolt upstairs to vomit as the Carb King (the new boy) was getting ready to leave. And no, I did not get a lip-lock that night. Shocking, I know.

Eight days and a sinus infection later, I’m finally feeling better. The really fun part was when I was supposed to start my new assignment last week – with the popcorn people – and I only made it in for a half-day Tuesday and a full-day Friday. Oh yeah, breaking myself in for the full-time gotta get dressed and get to work gig.

Speaking of the Popcorn people

My new team is nice. They talk to me. I feel included. It’s like a whole new company! And I only have to see Princess one more time – woohoo! What else can I say? Um, I have a cube. No window, but there’s plenty of light so I don’t feel like I’m in the bat cave. I even have a nameplate already, oooh. Oh, this is good. The last person in this role left me a few small files, which is nice. Then I opened a drawer and saw she also left me some of her biz cards and a …hairbrush. Let’s just say it’s a good thing I was over the vomiting part of my flu when I found that. Seriously, there’s nothing more disgusting than a dirty brush with hair strands still stuck in there. BLECH.

A horoscope prediction comes true

Last month on astrologyzone.com my horoscope said something about now being a good time to volunteer and something about taking a leadership position in a volunteer org. Saturday I had a volunteer orientation for Pet Haven (pethavenmn.org. I suggest you become familiar b/c you’ll probably be hearing a lot about them) and they asked me to be the Associate Director of the Outreach team! I’m sure this means nothing to any of you, but I’m very flattered that after meeting me a couple of times, they thought of me for this role. I’m going to meet with the old Assoc Director and the old Director Director this weekend to find out more about the actual responsibilities.

My Boys – an update

Hmm, where to start with this one?

Let’s go with the backcracker. After a few ignored texts – he sent, I igrnored, he called me late last week and I decided to answer. We actually had a normal conversation – well normal for a guy who likes to constantly engage in verbal sparring – and so I agreed to dinner with him on Friday. It seems that he’s coming around to us just being friends – and actually referred to our “friendship” a few times during our call – so I thought dinner would be harmless, and it was. ‘course the next day when I talked to Leah, she said just b/c I thought it was a friendly dinner didn’t mean he thought it was. In other words, we could’ve had a non-kissing date. Dammit! And speaking of non-kissing dates….

What the hell is with Gen Y boys?

So the Carb King (new boy) and I have had a few more dates. On date #4, there was no goodnight kiss. I let that one go b/c I threw up while he was tying his shoes.

On date #5, he had me come to his house even though we were eventually going in the opposite direction. I still haven’t figured this one out, but as he didn’t chop me into little bits, I’m trying to get over it. he did make me drive, however, which I did not enjoy. Not sure if he’s an equal opportunity driver or not. Perhaps I’ll have to subtly give him the hint that I hate driving, which most people know. that or they choose not to drive with me b/c driving with a person who has a.d.d. is risky to your health.

Anyhoo, no smooch at the end of yon date.

Date #6 was the very next day when he came over to watch Platoon. He is sorely uneducated in movie knowledge. Hasn’t seen any Brat Pack movies; hadn’t seen Platoon; hasn’t seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Say Anything…seriously the list is never-ending. He is, however, willing to be educated. So last night was Platoon, and Coming to America is next on the list.

Last night after 2 hours of Platoon, and dinner, we were watching TV lying next to each other on the couch. Finally he put an arm around me after I put one around him to tease Gracie about being near her boyfriend – the dog is in love with him, no lie. After the arm contact, there was still…nothing. After an hour, completely disgusted, I said “so you wanna get this first kiss thing over with or what?”

He laughed...not quite the reaction I was looking for. Then he jokingly purses his lips and leans down and gives me a smack on the lips. Um, again, not the reaction I was looking for. So I pretend annoyance, and ignore him to which he finally lays one on me. Dude, about time! ‘course that was it until he left for the night, and he tried doing the joking thing again. I resisted, and then he tried to make it normal, but instead smacked my head against the door.

I mean, if he doesn’t want to kiss me, that’s fine. I don’t need a concussion, lol.

The consensus is he might be shy or a “nice guy” which apparently means all the people I’ve gone out with are asshats :) …oh wait, they are. On Friday, I’m going to a hockey game with his best friend and his bf’s fiancée, and also meeting the parents. Big day for me, I might have to take half a day off work to prepare.

So that’s the latest and greatest. I’ll keep you posted…as long as I don’t get my head smacked too many times!

Squeaky Doors - a song

(to the tune of "Little Girls" from Annie)

Squeaky Doors
Squeaky Doors
All night long I hearrddd, squeaking

Open and close
Open and close
All the while, so much squeakkking

Maybe today they will fix them
And tonight
I'll get some sleeeeep

Squeaky Doors
Squeaky Doors
Won't somebody fix thosssseeeeeeeee
Squeaky doooooorrrrsssssss

(Note: last night all the damn doors on the third floor of my hotel were creaking. i kept hearing them creeeeeak as the opened and creeeaak as they shut. it was so bad i mentioned it to the front desk this mornign. and that, friends, is what my blog is about today)

20 min to kill at the airport

Good morning, kiddies! If i'm blogging, it must mean i'm at the airport...and yep, i am.

i have about 20 more min to finish my breakfast quesadilla (thanks, french meadow) before i need to head down to the gate - oh yeah, good ole' gate E16 - and since i don't have the attention span to read, i figured i should update the blog.

so what can i tell you? well, this may in fact be one of my last trips to lame-o plano. i should find out today if i got a new spot in the company. basically i've been offered the spot, but since the d-bag internal recruiting guy told me that it's not a "done" deal, but close as can be, i'll refrain from mentioning the actual spot....although i think everyone who reads this except cousin mark knows what it is. ha ha, marky, no scoop for you!

anyhoo, they want me to start the new spot asap so i'm just waiting for those in a higher pay grade to figure out how the transition works. all i know is that driving to the airport at 6 f-ing 30 this mornign and realizing that i actually have to be up again at that time is awful. it's going to be a very rude awakening not only for me, but for gracie too. this morning when the alarm went off she looked at me with a "you've GOT to be kidding me" look. then when i had to turn on the light, she got up and flipped herself around to put her back to me. i love my dog :)

something very strange happened this weekend, so if you noticed any pigs flying around outside it's probably (oh, crap! i just realized i forgot my toothbrush. dammit!!) b/c i had a third date. yes, ladies and gentleman, i had a THIRD date. if you didn't think that was possible, don't worry, you're not the only one. it's early days, so i'll try to give decent details without jinxing things....

he's 28, yep, robbing the cradle
6'0 - sorry lee!
owns a townhouse right near me
LOVES dogs - gracie has actually gotten more action from him than i have

anyhoo we met on one of the lame-o dating sites. went out a week ago thurs and sat and went out again this sunday. he also brought me a stuffed dog and a tower of candy for valentine's day - also known as Black Saturday. mmm, candy. clearly that boy has figured me out! we did dinner at pittsburgh blue - a waste of money and time in my opinon, and then went back to my place to watch Family Guy.

now, for those of you who know some of my 'rules', yes, i broke one. i generally try to not let them either know where i live or just come over (or go to there place) before date 4 or week 4. it's my way of not being an easy whore...although since the summer of love was actually more than 2 years ago i wonder if it even counts anymore? oops, just remembered the youngin' from cincy and the hicky incident - yep, it counts.

so boy wonder, for lack of a nickname (oh yeah, neither lee nor i can figure out a good nickname for him which is pretty much unheard fo for us), hung out, ate my candy and played with gracie. there was no love at all for me. now maybe this is some new fangled courting ritual - the guys gets to know you before getting in your pants. i truly have no idea. or this is what "nice" guys do. again, not familiar with the concept. although he let gracie lick his ears, so maybe he just doesn't put out with humans ;)

anyhoo, he gets two more dates before i have to take matters into my own hands. i'm thinking something like "so you ever gonna kiss me or are you just gonna make out with my dog" should do the trick, lol. until then i'm left planning our date for this weekend. i made him plan the last one - somehow when i went to say "if you want to go out again, let me know" after our second date it came out "so! you get to plan the next one!". again, not really sure how that happened, but it worked out well. you have to teach the boys early that they need to plan things too. otherwise you're stuck making all the decisions all the time and believe it or not, that can be exhausting... even for a type-a, likes control, planner girl like me. (don't worry, hoodie, you do a good job of this! )

okay, two minutes to go so i should probably shut down. i'll leave you with one note from last week's trip: as i was at the airport to fly home, i saw a man in front of me in a purple pin-striped suit. he was not caucasian, which was good, b/c white boys can't pull that crap off. hmm, although my brother did rent a purple tux once for a frat boy formal...but i'll leave that as the only exception.

time to head down to E16....that's all folks!

"Titus, I'm bored"

okay, so probably my dad is the only one who will reco that title and he doesn't read this, but it accurately describes my mood right now. holy hell i could not be more bored, and yes, i know i'm at home, but sitting in my house all day does not do me - a social creature - any favors. i don't have any work to do right now, so i'll update the ole blog-o.

1. Jenny and the Forceful Kisser
oh, that's right, it's time for another dating disaster. went out with coffee boy, also known as "molasses" about two weeks ago. it was date two, and although i was fairly bored with our emails after date one, i decided to give it a chance. bad idea. we went to "duplex" in uptown, which left me wanting to du-taco bell afterwards. they had the most bizarre menu: mexican inspired apps, thai soups, wonk salads, and italian entrees. yes, because that's what i want to eat; tacquitos with curry soup followed by (no lie) duck sloppy joes. instead i chose the spaghetti. didn't know it was possible f-up spaghetti, but they did.

dinner conversation was painful. not a lot to talk about, and when i tried asking more about his job, he actually got annoyed w/ me. gee, professor, sorry i don't understand the intricacies of pharm school applications.

but the real piece de la resistance came at the end of the evening. as we were leaving the restaurant he asked if i wanted to go out again - i was sort of non-commital. then he walked me to my car and leaned in to lay one on me. i very unsubtly swerved to the side for a hug only. and then...shudder...as i tried to pull back he held on and kissed me. blech! i mean i don't know what kind of idiot misses the implications of the "swerve to hug" but clearly he's just that kind of idiot. a few days later he emailed me to see if i wanted to go out again. um, NO was the answer.

2. Hmm, where will I work next?
so the latest on the work front is that i'm searching for my next assignment. boss man decided to offer the one trainer position to princess. his reasoning was b/c the travel was 100% but so far she hasn't heard that. 'course every time i try and talk to him about my next spot he acts like he's had the ipsos labotomy and pretends everythng is wonderful. anyhoo, there are two openings in mpls - one with a candy mfg and one with a popcorn mfg. i can only talk to one at a time, which i think is stupid since both clients have met several internal candidates and haven't liked any of them. that said i met with the candy client this week, and am still waiting to hear back.

personally i'm not sure what the hold up is. you either like me and want me to work with you or you don't. it's not like i'm the only candidate they've met - i'm pretty much one of the last - the bottom of the barrel, if you will. meanwhile i'll just sit home and fester about what the hell is taking them so long to debate.

hmm, might be time to take gracie for a walk. apparently my anger is getting the better of me which is sad b/c i literally just went tanning (yes, i know, it's very bad) in order to try and offset my funk and seasonal defective disorder.

bah humbug. i want to be in mexico :P

Two Loving Rats Need Rehoming

I just saw this post on Craig's List, and had to share it:

NOT FOR FOOD!! PETS ONLY Two Female rats one Black and white the other is Grey colored Both very friendly will ride on sholder Both good about not going to the bathroom when out Both do not bite Comes with tall cage with two climbing levels.(orig. 80.00) Rats must stay together Asking $50.00 Cash email with questions

WTF? Someone wants $50 for a pair of rats?? You want to rehome rats? Take them outside; drop them in the sewer; the end.

I'm all for animal welfare, and while I have mixed feelings about testing on them, they aren't pets either. Next thing you know Paris Hilton will have a rat - and no, real one, not Tinkerbell - and she'll be dressing it out in outfits.

Sheesh.

The dating game

So as I partake in one of my favorite pastimes - eating bad food while watching The Biggest Loser - I've found myself reviewing the past few weeks of dating life.

First, I want to know if there's any truth at all to the saying "guys like it when a girl asks them out." i know it's not an actual 'saying', just like most of the phrases on Wheel of Fortune aren't actually phrases, but I want to know the truth. The other day I told a guy friend that I had emailed a new guy online first - as in I didn't wait for him to maybe think about emailing me first - and my friend looked at me like I was crazy. I don't know if he was just shocked that i had the cajones to do it or if it's just so not true and I've become crazy dating girl...as opposed to crazy dog girl.

[sidenote: I've decided I can no longer be considered crazy dog girl just b/c I let the pup sleep on the couch because I've heard of at least two guys who let their dogs also sleep on the bed. woohoo! I also have to gve a shout-out to Gracie Lou for running, literally, downstairs and making it outside before getting sick tonight. That's my girl!]

So anyway, I'd be interested to hear thoughts on girls asking guys out/emailing a guy first.

Next, I haven't heard from the trapeze artist which is a good thing. I don't mean that in a mean way, I just didn't know how to do the transition to friends without waiting for him to try asking me out again. Last week we were emailing, and I was actually busy and couldn't email, so I wasn't writing novels, and apparently that was enough to not hear back from him.

Moving on, I had a coffee date on Saturday with a new guy. And no, I don't know why I'm turning into a dating machine. It was actually a "date" as opposed to a "meet and greet" which is what I usually call a first meeting. However, in this case we had an actual meal hence it's been decided that makes it a 'date.' Anyway, the guy was very nice. He's a professor/scientist guy, very laid back but holy hell the guy moves slow as molasses - he takes a while to return emails, which would be okay if he were super busy but I don't get the sense that his schedule is all that packed, um especially when he tells me he watched the inaguration all day long. It also took him a while to ask me out again when I'd already told him I'd do something, and the guy is all about booking way out. I guess maybe he doesn't do things on weeknights, but I'm not looking to join another "out till dawn" group.

My next rant is about the movie coming out, He's just not that in to you. While I have read excerpts from the book, and some offer good advice, what about all the dumbass guys who are just as crazy obsessive about girls? I know there's another book that's supposed to offer the other side, but really, it should be called He/She's just not that in to you. I find it ridiculously offensive and annoying, and I'm not talking annoying like the blaspheme that is the Shopoholic movie - hello? She's British, people. How the hell are they going to make a sequel - Shopoholic takes Manhattan - if she's already there? I digress. I suppose the answer to He's just not that in to you is that us womenfolk are secure enough to try and fix ourselves, thus the self-help book is targeted to us. Too bad the people buying it aren't secure enough to stop calling the loser they went out with who clearly doesn't want to go out with them again. Needless to say I won't be seeing this movie...unless someone tells me that there's also a guy in the movie who's a clueless loser like they depict the women to be. Hmm, anger anyone?


okay gracie just got sick again so I'm going to have table this post for later...

Jenny and the Car of the Future

greetings readers, i have many stories to share with you today! good thing all is quiet here in plano, land of the nasty water that you'd think i'd get used to...i haven't.

so last night's car rental experience was a new one for me because i couldn't turn the car on. the lady at hertz asked what i wanted, and i said something small. she offered me a corvette. um, not sure the boss would've enjoyed that expense, so then she offered a toyota prius. i've been wanting to drive one, so i said "heck yeah."

for those of you who haven't driven a hybrid, i swear it was something out of disney's tomorrowland. there's a power button, the key doesn't turn, and the engine doens't turn over. hell, the engine makes no noise at all. and you can't turn the thing on unless you're pressing down on the brake. after sitting in the car for almost ten minutes, and reading the instruction manual, i had to get out and go ask someone how to turn the car on. they showed me how, and i literally spent the first few minutes driving it wondering whether it was actually running or if i was in neutral and it was just rolling.

then as i'm trying to navigate the disaster they call DFW, i realize that the speed-o-meter is set to kilometers! not sure when i moved to europe.... i literally had to pull over on the side of the road until i could find the button to change it. oh, and this is the first toyota i've ever driven that doesn't have lights that turn on automatically so i keep driving without my lights on. it's been fun.

next update...yesterday my cousin mark, who works for the airport, took me for a fun ride on the runway. he told me he was going to open a runway and i could come along. i though thtat meant we were going to ride a cart around the airport. oh no, it meant we literally went out onto the live runway in the saab friction tester...heehee, i like that name - friction tester. and yes, i'm 5. on our way back in, we were right in front of a united plane sitting at the gate. i waved to the pilot, and he waved back probably thinking 'who the hell is that girl?'. thanks, cousin mark, it was way fun!

saturday night i took the latest victim in my dating life to meet up with leah and hoodie and friends in northeast. from the start i wasn't sure if i actually was attracted to this guy, and hopefully he never finds my blog b/c i'm pretty sure he won't like this entry. anyhoo, so i have a lot of fun hanging out with him, but htat's it. anyhoo, we go to psycho suzi's, dive bar extraordinaire. there are 7 of us and it's super crowded and at one point he asks me how long we wait until we slip the hostess some money. i'm not sure which was so annoying, that he couldn't wait or that he thought slipping some money was going to make any difference when there were NO open tables.

then he proceeded to share with leah and co his past life working as a trapeze artist - no lie - and his hobby as a glass blower (which incidentally i thought was a joke). leelee and i told him his new nickname was cirque d' soleil. i'm all for fun experiences and stories, but it's kind of hard to think of someone as a dating candidate when you keep picturing them in purple tights. the funniest comment of the night was after he left, earlier than the rest of us, and hoodie made the comment that next time i should date an actual "dude."

can't say i disagree...

I've had better...

that is my response to the question - how was your colonoscopy?

i'm not sure what's more sad; that i've had enough scoping to equate "many" or that yesterday's was so ridiculously awful. hmm, where to start?

1. the "golytely" prep should be renamed "go never." stuff made me gag and didn't kick in till after 1 in the morning. not quite the 7pm the nurse told me. although in an entertaining note, i channeled my inner gracie lou and spent about 7 hours curled into a tight little ball.

2. the chicago docs may have misdiagnosed me (we still don't have the results but it's looking that way..) but at least they were all about the drugs. here's the thing, the actual procedue isn't bad AS LONG AS YOU'RE PROPERLY DRUGGED. the nurse kept asking me if i was "medicated' the last times i had one, and i kept saying, yep they drugged me up. heck, as they were starting and she said "okay here's the first medicine" i lifted up my arm and said "dope me up!"

um, it didn't work. apparently the normal amount of drugs just didn't do it for me. neither did the second round they gave me. of course they can only administer it so fast, and it's only a 20 minute procedue. as the doc said after, next time we'll start at a higher dosage. don't worry, mom made sure to ask if there woudl be a next time any time soon - i think she was concerned that eventhough i was curled in a ball on the hospital bed, i was shooting some major evil looks.

i'm finally recovered today, but i'm really not looking forward to doing this again any time soon.

hmm, what else...after spending three days at my parents i'm def ready to go home. although mom has offered to make me dinner, so i'll be here for at least a few more hours :)

the shoulder is doing better and i canceled my appt with the orthopedist. i don't need to waste $20 on a co-pay or having a claustrophobic nightmare in an MRI machine if it's not necessary.

next week i'm back to Plano, and the icky water. if i remember, i'm going to bring this water filter thing i got a long time ago and see if it works.

this weekend there's potential meat raffling and/or a volunteer thing for pups. and that's about it!

Sprained Shoulders and other mishaps of 2009

so last i wrote i was going skiing on new year's day. long story short - had a great time, but had two falls. the first one was minor. every time i came down the hill and circled around to the chairlift i ended up saying "wheeeeeee!" on the way down. it was inadvertent, but at the end of one run i was standing there laughing at myself and i literally fell over to one side. the guy friend i was with thought that was pretty pathetic.

the second time i fell, due to some asshat snowboarders who decided to just take a rest in the middle of a mogul-ridden hill, my right pole was wrapped around my wrist and it dragged my arm behind me as i slid head-first, on my back, down the hill. i had a smile on my face which i thought was pretty impressive. i got back up and did a couple more runs before we left. my shoulder hurt, but i assumed it was just a strain. well four days later after getting harassed my friends and family I went to the chiro and it turns out i sprained at least three different muscles AND i get to go to the orthopedist for a consult to see if i tore anything. very impressive, i know.

now before i go into my next tale, i want to warn you that there is some disturbing imagery, and you should not read this during lunch. ...

tomorrow i have to start prepping for my colonoscopy on wednesday. my body must really be G-d's joke considering it will be my fourth one in three years, and if that weren't enough, see above.

the actual procedure isn't bad, you're not even awake for it, and you're super high from the drugs after. what sucks is the prep you have to do for it. first you have to fast on clear liquids the day before which makes me really cranky. then you have to ingest some sort of concoction in order to "clear" everything out...please don't make me explain any more.

for my previous 3 tests, i got to just take some pills which eventually make you nauseated but aren't that bad. well turns out the pills can actually cause false positives for crohn's disease. nice, huh? since my symptoms aren't at all crohn's like, i'm having my latest test to see if i really have it. yep, three years and a zillion drugs later, they're going to figure out if i'm actually diseased or not. the kicker is that this time i have to drink, no lie, a half gallon of liquid!! there's nothing i hate more than drinking stuff, unless it's alcoholic. it literally brings out my inner child and i'm helpless from whining about it. it's literally uncontrollable. half the reason i'm writing this post is to somehow cathartically vent and save my mom from listening to me whine tomorrow. (yep, staying at their house so my responsible adult can drive me to and from the test).

now here's the best part...the drink is called...wait for it.....
GoLightly.

let me be quite clear, there is no 'going lightly' when you have the prep for this procedure. the term "blow it out your ass" comes to mind as a better description. besides the so unpleasant feelings involved in this, it also sounds unpleasant. so before i start taking the prep i always make sure that i have a book and earmuffs on hand. oh yeah, i said earmuffs. trust me, it's the way to go.

:>