Poor Princess and Tales from a Happy Hour

This morning I’m wondering if it’s possible to physically maim yourself from too much fake-niceness. That, or how many years I would get if I maimed Princess. I just find her beyond irritating, maybe because it’s hard to respect someone in their mid-thirties who doesn’t know how to do laundry and complains that her condo in downtown Minneapolis, with its $700/month association fees, won’t sell now that she’s moved into her newly built home in Eagan. Or it could because she says things like “Oh, I didn’t know you were here today” when I got in before her. Or when I’m talking to one of our VPs about books, and she comes up all pouty saying she’s lost an earring. Um, take off your fake zebra print stilettos, get on the floor and look for it. But I digress.

Last night I went to my first JC Happy Hour. What’s JC, you ask. It stands for the Jew Crew; a name my Cinci friends came up with to distinguish between the different people I hung out with. The Happy Hour was at Psycho Suzie’s in Northeast. Pretty sure I’ve never been to Northeast before last night. TomTom led me quite astray, and I had to backtrack when the Lowry bridge was closed. Look, I sound like I know what I’m talking about…I really don’t. cousin Steph and I went together and as we walked in, I found the added surprise of seeing my brother there! For the first time ever, someone said to him, “Are you Jen’s brother?” Ha! That’s what he gets after years of me being asked if I’m Josh’s sister.

The happy hour wasn’t too painful until a guy I’d gone out with once when I first moved back showed up. Can’t remember if I wrote about him – I called him Old Guy (not the 50 year old, someone else) – but I did my best to avoid talking to him. I really didn’t want one of those “So, how come you never called” or “we should go out again” comments. The fact is, I just wasn’t that in to him. This was not helped by him 1. trying to psychoanalyze me on our first date 2. him basically asking why I’ve never been married on said date 3. him calling me, having nothing to say, and then being distracted by watching telly when he called and the final nail 4. calling me on a Friday night to chat while he drives to Milwaukee for the weekend. Hi, my name is Jen. I have a life, so don’t call me on a Friday night and expect me to be home, available and willing to talk about nothing.

Steph said maybe he wouldn’t recognize me. I told her that wasn’t going to happen as he knows Josh, and knows he’s my brother. It also didn’t help when I overheard the words “dating” coming from their corner and at some point Josh pointed to me. Oops.

Other highlights included overhearing a guy introduce himself to new friend, Barb, who was the HH coordinator, and say he graduated high school in 2004!!!! WTF. I swear I got a gray hair just hearing that! Well, if I didn’t “enhance” my hair color I would’ve gotten a gray hair. As Steph put it, when her brother asked if I’d ‘met’ anyone, it would’ve been hard when the median age of the guys there was 21. And let me be clear, I’m not a cougar yet. At this point, I’m just looking to make friends in the city – guys and girls. I can only make the family hang out with me so much before they’ll be exhausted and annoyed.

On the way home, I have to admit I had a little PHHTD – post happy hour trauma disorder. I mean a girl can only take so many stories of hearing about people who are married with kids blah blah blah, while trying to avoid the guys that have looked at her or dated her on lamedate.com. Thankfully, coming up w/ my latest acronym entertained me immensely and I bounced back.

On a different note, this weekend looks to bring some serious entertainment. Tomorrow Leah, Rigley, Gracie and I are going to see the pet communicator. We get to ask 5 questions and hear the answers from the dogs. It should be well worth $20 of entertainment. Then we’re venturing downtown to watch the Badger game with a new JC friend.

On that note, I shall leave you with another Snoopy pic since I do enjoy the Beagle!

Too bored for a clever headline

Today was another fabulous day of sitting at my desk doing nothing. It’s bad enough that apparently I’m the outcast at work, but now we don’t actually have work to do. I have been as proactive as possible and have asked to help out another team, but that, like everything here, is “still being worked out.” In my ideal scenario, I would work remotely on a different client, one that has work to be done, and get to work from home. Many people tell me that working from home isn’t fun – but let me just say that working here ain’t that much fun either. Apologies for those of you who didn’t know there was more going on here than just rude people. We also have a software program that doesn’t work, and people constantly joke about us getting fired. I know it’s crazy, but I just don’t find it funny – not when it’s been going on since my first week here. Oh well.

On to something funny I forgot to report yesterday. And I should warn you that this isn’t my most PC entry.

This weekend I was walking Gracie in my parents’ neighborhood, and there’s a house where an Asian family lives. On this particular night, the old grandfather was out riding his bike. He saw Gracie and me and gave us a strange look. That reminded me about how the Chinese (and no, I have no idea if they’re actually Chinese) like to eat dogs. I started thinking two things: 1. he better not look at Gracie and think “free meal” and 2. does he think it’s odd that I’m walking my “dinner?” This of course led me to wonder if walking a dog to Chinese people is as strange as walking a chicken on a leash would be to Americans. Then my imagination really took off and I wondered if Gracie ever ran away and this man, who was still staring at us, found Gracie, would he eat her…Needless to say I distracted myself rather quickly.

Back to this morning we had another fun “snub Jen” day. Disgruntled Girl (Megan, b/c I no longer care about her identity) suggested to Foreign Girl (Her name is Gaby but I’m going to call her Princess b/c she’s such a high maintenance fruit cake) that “we” (meaning the lunch gang) should go out to lunch today. Princess said she couldn’t b/c she had a doctor’s appt – no lie, for a tummy ache she got after having a milkshake yesterday. I said, that I could go! And then Megan said, “Oh, I should probably eat the sandwich I brought.” Wow. It’s fun here.

Both Leah and Steph say I shouldn’t care what these girls do, and in theory I don’t. It just continues to amaze me at their blatant rudeness. My mgr came over later and asked Princess if I’d given her the update of what was going on (she’d been in Mexico for a few days). She sort of mumbled that I had, I just kind of nodded. What I really wanted to say was “No. Why the f- would I talk to her?” Oh well, I’ll just click my heels and repeat “maybe I can work from home, maybe I can work from home, maybe I can work from home” and hope something happens.

And now, my friends, I shall take my cranky pants and go spread joy to others!

Ramblings

Rather than try and put together a cohesive story-line, I've decided to just update on the random thoughts that have come into my head over the past few days.

1. And there was cable, the first day!
I have given in and am currently on the phone w/ Comcast. I admitted defeat, and signed up for their *&!*&# triple play package. People keep saying that buying a home is like signing your life away, clearly those people haven't signed up for cable in the Mpls area.

2. Elevator etiquette.
The other day I wrote a post about chivalry and its untimely death. For several days now I've been meaning to write about a certain person I see at work and her horrid elevator etiquette. The other night I was leaving and the elevator came as I saw a woman, younger - around my age, coming around the corner. I saw her and she saw me see her, so I held the door open. Most non-rude people would then hurry it up a little. Nope, this rude toolbox took her own sweet time clumping down the hall in her heels. Um, Miss? If you don't know how to walk in heels without sounding like the Three Billy Goats Gruff trampling across the bridge, try flats.

3. Deja Vu dating.
I found out from a new friend, let's call her new friend Barb, that she also went out with the dermatool i went out with last week. Seems she had the EXACT same date I did, only she got food. He took her to the same place, yawned the whole time, and paid no attention. Our thought was he either a) needs a serious dating clue b) needs to learn to say no when mommy sets him up or c) admit he's either not interested in dating, or potentially not interested in dating girls. Whatever route he chooses will be fine, as long as he stops dating!

4. Unfortunately, that's all I have for today.

8 Signs There Won't Be a Second Date

Last night I went out w/ email boy - he no longer has an identity beyond this moniker. He had a good enough excuse for his previous abrupt/gruff emails so I decided to give him a chance. I did, and I now have8 new signs there won't be a second date.

8. When the bartender asks if we want to order food with our drinks and he says "no, I'm okay."

7. When the bartender asks if we want to order food with our drinks and he says "no, I'm okay" and doesn't ask me if I want anything.

6. When you realize the reason he chose this particular area in the bar to sit was not because there was a lot of space, but because it had an excellent view of the Twins game.

5. The constant yawning, and no "excuse me I'm tired/still sick/sorry in general"

4. When he asks you the same question 3 times...and you've actually answered it three times.

3. When you, a trained moderator and all-around chatterbox, can't find anything to say.

2. When the date has ended, because he has 'work' to do, and as you get to your car you realize it's 7:48 pm and the date started at 7pm.

And the number one sign there won't be a second date... when for kicks you go online later that night and see he's already logged into a dating website.

The Mother Ship has become the Anti-Christ

Okay, this morning i need to offer a rant for a good friend of mine. Said friend is an amazing media director. ridiculously smart, and has been written up in mediaweek (big mag in the biz) as well as been tapped to help an up and coming agency develop and set up their own media dept.

the other day she interviewed at a certain ad agency here in the twin cities; we'll call the agency F. they used to be called F M, oh, and they also used to be a big deal. 'course that was in 1999!

i used to call F the mother ship b/c for account planning, my former occupation, they were the top place to be. 'course every time i interviewed with them (2 or 3 times) they found me lacking. at least i can say that at the time i hadn't hit my planning stride - although i was still damn good.

the past week or so the amazing media maven (my friend, hereto known as AMM) has been interviewing with them. the dumbass recruiter - i know if there any other kind? - is a former F employee and thinks their poo-poo don't stink. um, note to F - you haven't had a good or recognized campaign, again, since 1999. get over yourselves!

i digress, so the recruiter couldn't even figure out if there was a position - there wasn't. then sent AMM into the interview unprepared for what the clients were looking for. now here's a new concept for the asshats who interviewed AMM - if there's a specific type of experience you're looking for in a candidate - ASK THEM. apparently this was news to them as they didn't ask AMM about her experience working on complicated campaigns but then said she didn't have what they needed. hello?? see above for the qualifications of AMM. let's recap for the slow kids:

1. written up in mediaweek for amazing, innovative campaign

2. consulted w/ up and coming agency

3. here's one i forgot, has been asked to apply for a adjunct professor position at the U of M

yes, this seems like someone a has-been agency wouldn've want to hire.

as far as i'm concerned, hey Fallon, i mean "F" - you wouldn't know a good media person or at this point a good campaign if it was presented to you on a silver platter.

Who's bored? I am!

Okily-dokily as Flanders likes to say. I could not be more bored today, so why not do some blogging? For the record I've already done work, played on Facebook and Dogbook, and researched a new volunteer opp. This one is pretty good. It's working with the Hearing and Service Dogs of Minnesota. A guy I work with is raising, yes raising, a puppy and then after 18 months, he turns the puppy back over to the organization and they 'donate' him to a person in need. The guy and his family then start over with another puppy. It's a hugely noble thing to do. Even if I could somehow get over the trauma of giving up a dog I'd had for more than a year, I cannot imagine living in permanent puppyhood!

What else can I report? Oh, so the email finally pinged and the set-up guy sent a note. It was...three sentences. Hi Jen, got your name from my mom but not sure where she got it from. if you wnat to get together sometime, let me know.

I understand he doesn't know me, but I don't just agree to meet someone and not have any details. Please keep in mind, he DID agree to meet me. I could get over this once, however after I responded, explained how this occured, and gave him some details about me - the only response I got back was "want to get together sometime this week?" And then he didn't check his email until super late one of the days I said I could meet. I'm leaving out a lot of the details, so the true annoyance most likely isn't coming through. But if this guy can't take two minutes to write a sentence or two in an email, what the hell are we going to talk about for an hour? I'm good at talking, but lord, I'm not sure I'm that good! I'm not sure if we're actually going to meet now, but I'll definitely update the blog if we do.

I have a quick rant and then I'm busting out of work early - none of the VPs are here and most of the managers have already left. This was after DG and FG (disgruntled and foreign girl) spent an hour in our cube discussing DG's internet dating life. Her's may be worse than mine...who knew that was possibl?

Anyway, the rant today is about Chivalry and Manners. One of the few, and I mine few, things I actually miss about North Carolina is the chivalry. There was not one time when I lived there that a man ever exited an elevator before me. Doors were held open, and general pleasantness ensued - in a manners way, I think we all know that wasn't the case with my personal life. My question is, did no one in Minnesota or the North get the memo about teaching manners? And it's not just males exiting elevators before females. My other pet peeve is when you're walking through a door and someone is in front of you and they don't hold the door open. Hello? Jerk-offs (and this includes women too) hold the door open. How much effort does that take? Apparently too much for the rude ones of the world.

And that, is today's rant.

Reasons I should've gone back to bed today

10. Gracie was sick this morning. Threw up twice in the house and who knows how many times outside.

9. I'm missing a wardrobe box that has all of my long sleeve sweaters in it, and the office is freezing as usual.

8. As usual there isn't a lot of work to do.

7. I dyed my hair dark brown on Monday and so far no one at work has noticed.

6. My hotmail inbox is empty. No emails to write to keep me entertained.

5. Disgruntled Girl was gloating about the fact that I'm losing our bet due to falling in the shower and now throwing my back out. (yes, I'm falling apart. it has not escaped my notice)

4. A group of people came down to my cube area right before lunch. They were there to pick up Foreign Girl.

3. FG and DG were whispering together after lunch and I'm pretty sure I heard my name.

2. I was late this morning and walked in to see my boss talking to FG at my desk.

And the number one reason I should've stayed in bed this morning....

1. Because when I went outside this morning, in only a towel, to untangled Gracie from the bushes, my uncle was sitting in his rental car on our driveway.

Lucky Charms for breakfast

Is there anything better? I think not.

Today I FINALLY have some work to do! Who knew that would get me so excited. Of course I should be focusing on that rather than writing on here, but really, I just had to share how much I was enjoying my breakfast. :)

Does no one move here?

I’m confused, does no one move in this state? I have now been on the phone with two different companies trying to set up new services. First, I called Frontier who apparently does phone service in Maple Grove. A more useless sales rep, I have yet to speak to. Of course the fact that they advertise a special ESPN web portal for all their online packages is equally ridiculous. Um, as a female, I could care less about the ESPN web portal. If anything, it makes me think I’m getting a bad deal and am paying extra for something I don’t want. Call me crazy, but I would think that at least 40-50% of the customers calling to set up new service are FEMALE. As Leah would say…asshats! And did I mention that they couldn’t even figure out if I was eligible for service?? They wanted me to contact the owners of the house and get their phone number!!! Um, f-you? The house has been there for 4 years. Either you offer service there or you don’t. after that, I just hung up on them.

Today I tried calling Comcast. First of all, I can’t set up new service until the current owners cancel their service. AGAIN, the sales person asks me if I can contact them, and ask them to put in a cancellation for their service. Apparently even though the accounts will be separate they can’t set something in motion. I can’t believe that every time moves to this city and buys a house they have to wait for the current owner to cancel their service before setting up their own service.

After this fun discussion I asked him about bundles for cable and internet. He proceeded to ask me what shows I watched. Hey jackass, on your website you have three tiers of cable when you do the Triple Play bundle. How ‘bout you tell me about those tiers? Nope, too difficult for him. Then I asked about Internet and all he could talk about is how they have super fast Internet if you’re a gamer. I COULD CARE LESS. So then he gives me separate pricing for cable and separate for internet. Again I ask, do you have any bundles???? Oh, sure. However, after 12 months, the price doubles. In three other states, the bundle price stays the same, it’s the Promotion price that changes. I’m not sure if Comcast is the worst company ever, or if this guy is just the worst customer service agent ever. I’m so annoyed I’m considering getting a Satellite and I think Satellite is the worst.

I’ve lived in 6 different apartments in the past 7 years and have never had so much trouble setting up services. (And did I forget to mention they want to charge me $14 a month for DVR?? I’ll just get TIVO)

The next time I buy a house, apparently I need to put some clauses in the offer such as “Please put in a cancellation for your cable service within 5 days” oh, and “Please tell me which phone company you use and your phone number.”

I hate people.

Waiting for Godot

Patience is a virtue, and I want it now!

Today has me waiting for the email to ping. Translation: another fix-up. However, unlike the last disaster, this one could have some potential. In other words, he’s not old enough to be my father. I can’t give a lot of detail b/c I’ve found that it’s a lot more difficult to date in the town you grew up in; it’s pretty easy for people to know who you’re talking about.

That said, this fix-up, should it ever happen, has potential. He is a very viable candidate (single, in his 30s, employed, breathing) as am I (single, in my 30s, employed, generally medicated). I’m not sure when dating turned into being more like a game of checks and balances, but at the rate I’m going I’ll either be signing up for an arranged marriage or definitely turning in to that girl with the dogs before too long.

The gentleman caller has had my email address for over a week. He agreed to the fix-up. Today’s question is… will he actually email and if so, when? Stay tuned to find out what happens next time on “Red’s adventures in dating.”

The Fall

In my latest attempt at grace, this weekend I managed to fall in the shower. In fact as I write this, I’m sitting in my cube with my foot resting on top of the desk so it stays elevated.

Yesterday morning I was trying to balance on one leg while inspecting the backside of my other leg – thought I had a bite/bump/g-d knows what – when I slipped and crashed into the multitude of shampoo, conditioner, shave gels bottles. I made quite the crash which was followed by the loud screech of my mom’s chair sliding back upstairs in the kitchen. After a rather loud “ow!” from me, I realized I should follow that up with “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay” as my mom thundered down the stairs. Nothing like being naked laying on the shower floor and having your mom come in!

The good, and rather surprising news given my penchant for clumsiness, is that I didn’t a) fall through the glass doors or b) break anything. All I did was cut and bruise the bottom of my foot. So today I’m gimping around work – didn’t want to use crutches, but was seriously considering the cane Mom offered – crossing my fingers that I’m back on my feet soon. After all, I have a $100 bet to win!