Finally, something I can relate to in all those mumbo-jumbo dating stories.
From MSN: The art of email rejectionBy Bob Strauss
There’s a classic episode of The Simpsons in which Homer ghost-writes a rejection letter to Bart’s teacher, Mrs. Krabappel: “Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population—you!” It’s a bit lacking in tact, perhaps, but Homer’s missive is a vast improvement over most email kiss-offs, which are so bland and impersonal that they might as well have been drafted by a human resources department (that is, if the person you’ve been seeing even has the class to write to you one, rather than simply disappearing into the ether).
The question isn’t whether it’s polite to dump someone via email—for better or worse, this has become a common strategy, especially for young folks who’ve only been together a short time. “If you’ve been out on a few dates and you’re not interested in taking it any further, it’s a good idea to end things simply and cleanly, for both your sakes,” says B.J. Gallagher, author of Yes Lives in the Land of No. “It’s not good karma to leave unfinished business and disappear into cyberspace. You want to be clear, but also gentle.” How, you may ask? Well, if you are going to email your “Thank you, but no…,” here are some tips that can lessen the sting and help you take the somewhat high road:
Don’t go into detail. “There’s no need to list the specifics about why you’re ending a relationship,” Gallagher says. “If you explain too much in your email, you simply invite the other person to try to talk you out of it. Don’t argue, don’t explain, and don’t blame. The very best date-ending line I’ve read is, ‘I just don’t sense that ‘special something’ that would tell me that we’re a match.’ Isn’t that lovely? No harm, no foul.”(Um, I'm pretty sure I've never used the words, "I don't sense that something special." And I definitely don't use the word "match." Dating is painful enough without having to get that cheesy.)
Stay positive. “You want to keep your message upbeat, so you give the other person as little as possible to form negative feelings about,” says Caroline Kaufman, a psychology professor at Otterbein College in Ohio. “But even if you do your best to reject the other person respectfully and kindly, remember that everyone makes his or her own interpretations—and it’s not your responsibility to fix someone who gets upset.”Don’t use the F word (that is, friend). Here’s one from my own experience: If there’s no genuine affection behind the gesture, emailing “let’s be friends” to someone you’ve been dating for two or three weeks is like kicking a wounded puppy. Think about it: If you were really meant to be friends, you wouldn’t be dumping the person via email in the first place, would you? (I'm guessing writing "I'm positive we're not a match" would not be acceptable)
Originality counts. “You should be very careful about standard rejection lines like ‘I’ve just gotten out of a relationship and I guess I’m not ready to date’ or ‘I’m just too busy with other things,’” Kaufman says. “First, these don’t work very well if your online profile is still up. And second, you should always be careful about what you say to other people—no matter how big the town you live in is, the excuse you give in your email could find its way to someone else you’d like to date, and he might think you’re not available.” (Judging by some of the last, uh, guys, I've gone out with I'm pretty sure it would be okay for them to tell others my excuses - crazy attracts crazy, I don't I need to be dating anyone they know. Hell, if either of the last two even had one friend between them, I'd be shocked. I guess it's good that there's no "Be nice" instruction.)
Don’t be a weasel. “If you’ve been intimate with the person you’re rejecting, at least pick up the phone and do the job that way,” Gallagher says. “Email is the least personal form of communication we have, with the possible exception of text-messaging, which is an even worse way to dump someone. And if your relationship became very intense very quickly, you should have the terminating conversation in person, in a public place so there isn’t likely to be a big scene.” (How can I not bring up the email attachment break-up letter I once received? And I have to disagree with the text-messaging comment. If someone tries to tell you that they have a job as a secret agent and then they go bonkers when you want to go home early, I feel it's more than appropriate to call it off via text.)
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